Psychopath

Oh man, I just love stories like this one. You can tell by the title, “Psychopath,” that it’s gonna be juicy.  Read on if you dare, gentle reader…

 

Recently I got into a heated exchange with an old friend on the topic of eating meat.  I think it might have come soon after I posted a cartoon that used the word “bacon,” merely as a subtext, mind you  (See: here).  Hoo Boy, what a minefield that turned out to be!

 

My friend recently became a vegetarian.  Then he zeroed in on me with all the puritanical zeal of the newly converted.  I’m pretty sure he referred to me (and my meat-eating ilk) with the words “sociopath” and “murderer.”  But then again, maybe that’s just me being “defensive” – another word that got flung my way – along with the term “testy”.  And here I thought vegetarians were supposed to be these pacific and gentle souls?  No such luck, apparently.   Where is Gandhi when you need him most?

 

In the spirit of full disclosure, I admit I probably egged him on a bit with graphic details of my rural agricultural childhood:  Butchering hogs, hunting rabbits and squirrels, aiding and abetting a series of semi-feral barn cats in their nefarious stalking of the farm’s burgeoning mouse population.  I may even have related a tale or two of my role (albeit only a peripheral role, mind you) in castrating young boar hogs.  Then again, I could be mistaken – so take everything I say with a grain of salt.  Nothing gets me going quite as much as reveries of my misspent youth – so sue me.  What do I look like, a pussy cat?

 

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Anyway, in the course of our conversation, we strayed onto the topic of pets:  If we eat beef and pork, then why not eat our dogs and cats?  That’s obvious, I said:  It’s the quality of the meat.   Also, maybe it’s a matter of just how hungry we are.  Starving in the Andes or the Sierras, humans not only would eat Fido and Fluffy, but have been known to eat each other.  My friend was having none of it (pun intended):

 

I don’t believe you’d eat your pet dog or cat without hesitation if you’re hungry, because humans (since our species is so superior and special to you) evolved to bond with them. We experience an emotional connection with them – well deserved, considering the joy they unsparingly provide – that rivals anything connecting humans. This is common and indisputable, whether you personally experience it or not.

So again my question, not for you personally Mr. Defensive Fido Murderer and Language Parser, but in general:  Why do people who choose not to eat meat (an intelligent choice based on factors from climate change to rejection of horrific industrial cruelty) single out dogs and cats for special treatment? When pigs (for instance) are smarter and arguably as lovable?

 

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Lucky for all concerned, I came across this article in The Atlantic, titled “Why We Think Cats Are Psychopaths.”  While it doesn’t exactly solve the “Arnold Ziffle problem” posed above, it does show the limits of applying concepts best reserved for human psychology onto our furry friends.  It also has quite a lot to say about humans’ co-evolution with dogs and cats, which may help explain in part why we tend not to eat them, at least under normal circumstances.  And just for the record, while I’m mostly OK with dogs, I’m not so crazy about cats. But that doesn’t mean  I’m planning on eating Fluffy any time soon.

 

Bottom line?  The cat who “attacks grandfather’s ankles” or “pees in grandmother’s bed” is not really “being a psychopath.”   It’s just a cat being a cat – doing in the house what after all only comes naturally to a cat in the barn.  Now if I can just just convince my friend to give the same leeway to omnivorous humans as we give to carnivorous cats…  Well then, maybe we’ll really be getting somewhere.  For whatever it’s worth, I’m not holding my breath.  And as for the cat who sharpens her claws on my Barcalounger?  “Watch your back, Fluffy” is my only advice.

 

 

Hilarious canine bonus content: here.

 

 

Far be it from me to tell a one-sided tale…

 

Last word goes to the opposition: here.