Murder Mystery (untitled) – Chapter Four.
To: @RampartsBob, Board President, Ramparts@RoxboroughHOA.
You ugly fat disgusting slug.
From: Julianne Acosta Rodriquez, Owner and proprietor of @YourLuxuryPetExperienceLLC.
We’re mad as hell and we’re not gonna take it anymore.
Re: @RampartsHOA Bylaws. Chapter 47, paragraph 6.
You may THINK this applies. But you’ve got another think coming!
Dear Bob,
It has come to our attention that some of the neighbors here @RampartsRoxborough have been complaining to you about us “running a dog boarding and grooming business out of our home.” Nothing could be further from the truth. We do have a dog or two of our own. And we do like to keep them nicely groomed. And yes, when one of our close friends with dogs goes on vacation, we do sometimes step in and offer to help. As any good friend naturally would. I mean, what are friends for? But that is a far cry from the kind of blatant commercial activity covered in chapter 47, paragraph 6, of the @Ramparts HOA bylaws. Not even close!
In any case, you are hereby put on notice. Any further harrassment of us by you and/or the @RampartsBoard will be referred to legal counsel for swift followup and decisive action. We are not kidding around, Bob. Are you prepared to fight us in court? If so, you’d better get ready. You’ve been warned!
And as for any nosy neighbors who’ve been whispering about us in your ear? Well, God have mercy on their pitiful worthless little souls.
Yours truly,
Julieanne
cc: Ramos Law Corporation LLC.
bcc: Douglas County Sheriff’s Office.
bcc: @RampartsRoxboroughHOA board members.
********
From: @RampartsBob.
To: @JulieanneAcostaRodriguez.
Re: Bylaws. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.
Dear Julieanne,
The neighbors have not complained. Rather, it’s the commercial linen truck that’s parked in the Fire Lane outside your garage every week that tipped us off. See photo attached. Our best guess is this: Even if you showered twice a day, every day, and groomed those precious little dogs of yours every hour, on the hour, there’s no way in hell you’d ever need that magnitude of towel pick-up and delivery. Every single week? HA! Get real!
As for your threat of legal action? Go ahead and and bring it, Missy. We’re not afraid of you – or of your yappy little dogs.
Yours,
Bob
cc: Douglas County ASPCA.
bcc: Douglas County Planning Commission.
bcc: @RampartsRoxboroughHOA board members.
********
From: @RampartsBob.
To: @RampartsRoxboroughHOA board members.
Re: @JulieanneAcostaRodriguez.
All,
Can you BELIEVE this nutcase? Crikey. They don’t pay us NEAR enough to do this job!
For the greater glory,
Bob
That’s a whole lotta towels.