Don’t get me wrong: I’m happy for Anne Lamott. Really I am. Getting married for the first time at age 65? I mean, that’s almost as big of an accomplishment as getting sober and getting 18 books published. Almost, I said.
To be fair: Although she’s never been married before, Lamott does have a son, Sam, age 29. Also a grandson, Jax, who is 9. And over the years she has written as much or more about family and relationships than almost anyone else on the planet. Still, it’s nice to see someone like Lamott finally settle down and get to enjoy all the comforts of wedded bliss…
Uh…. yeah…. right!
If you haven’t already, you can read all about it in the NY Times, here. Lamott’s new hubby, Neal Allen, is a retired Bay Area exec. He is twice-divorced and has 4 kids of his own. He describes his third wife this way:
…”casual prettiness,’ “trippy dreads,’ “kissable lips’ and a willingness to tell everything, absolutely everything, about herself. “That kind of openness, it was like being sucked into a spider web.”
The Times article goes on to mention that Mr. Allen is a writer in his own right. And while he’s got the open hearted (some might call it “overly obsessive”) Lamott pretty much pegged with the above description (all the way down to the graying roots of her “trippy dreads”), I will say only this: “Sucked into a spider web? REALLY? Since when does a spider web come equipped with an HVAC?” C’mon, man: Let’s keep those metaphors unmixed, shall we?
Mr. Allen adds that he gained 17 pounds in the first six months of his relationship with Lamott, mostly from eating too much chocolate. For those of us in our 60’s, need I say it out loud? This can’t possibly be a healthy sign. Furthermore, he describes their new life together like this:
“I have never, ever spent time with somebody as funny, as brilliantly funny… Living with Annie is like being in a comedy sketch.”
OK then. Hey, I like SNL as much as the next guy – and it has been airing on NBC for over 40 years now. But there is a reason why it’s only on once a week: Word to the wise. I know a number of couples who married relatively late in life, either for the first time, or in a later at-bat. And I wish each and every one of them all the best for whatever comes in life’s last innings – honest and true, really I do. Lord knows, each of us needs all the help we can get.
Last word goes to the new couple’s caterer.
Yep, you heard me.
Caterer.
Laura Neely catered the dinner along with her staff of mostly middle-age women who called themselves “the old gangster catering crew.” Ms. Neely said she particularly admired Ms. Lamott for not leaping into marriage until now. “Getting married now is the best thing ever, because that’s for sure going to be your toe-tag husband.”
“Old gangster catering crew?” “Toe-tag husband?” I love it! And best of all? No mixed metaphors. Quick, somebody sign that woman to a book deal.
Speaking of which…
His and Her Books
Mr. Allen is working on an in-depth analysis of the platonic ideals, tentatively titled, “Shapes of Truth.” Ms. Lamott is working on a memoir about the last third of life, “when you stop squandering your life force on achieving, and focus on presence, being here, being real.” It includes two prayers: A morning one she named “Whatever.” And a bedtime one’s called “Oh well.”
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“Whatever,” and “Oh well?” That’s vintage Lamott right there.
Namaste, guys!