Three Trillion Dollar Screensaver

Quick, what was the last movie you went to a theater to watch? Yeah, I don’t remember either. But the new Avatar sequel is out, and the Smart Hollywood Money is banking on you getting up out of your easy chair and shelling out good money to see it. My take on the first one – which was the highest grossing film of all time, btw – was “Meh.” And as for this one? Well, the best I can say is, I’m having a jolly good time reading the reviews.  A summary from KTLA in Los Angeles can be read in its entirety here in far less than the movie’s 3 hour and 10 minute running time. Best line of the day comes from Peter Bradshaw in The Guardian. He gave it a lousy two out of five stars, and called it a “three trillion dollar screensaver.” He goes on…

 

Drenching us with a disappointment that can hardly be admitted out loud, James Cameron’s soggy new digitized film has beached like a massive, pointless whale. The story, which might fill a 30-minute cartoon, is stretched as if by some AI program into a three-hour movie of epic tweeness.

 

Many of the other reviewers recommend planning your theater bathroom breaks in advance:  Oof, I think I’ll pass. The real question for me is, which is the worse slam: “Three hours of epic tweeness?” Or “A three trillion dollar screensaver?” If you actually go and see it, please let me know your thoughts. “Avatar: The Way of Water” hits theaters on Dec. 16th.  And in the meantime, please pass the Jiffy pop.