Being both cold and sweaty at the same time.

A brand of wet cat food with tuna chunks and peppermint bits.

The exact office temperature that makes Ted happy because he can wear his little Patagonia vest.

When your nose is running and someone else’s nose is running and you kiss.

The community of single gloves living inside the lost-and-found box.

4 ounces mulled cough syrup
2 ounces Bourbon whiskey
1 tsp. rainwater
Fill the glass halfway with snow; garnish the rim with road salt.

A school dance at which someone who is always cold asks out someone who is usually warm.

The coat orgy on the bed during a party.

When you think that the person walking toward you is going to move to your right, so you move to your left, but you both end up moving to your left – and also it’s winter.

A meet-up for single gloves ready to put themselves out there again.

The exact moment in 2023 when global warming will magically reverse itself, according to climate-change deniers.

When a warm smile melts a cold shoulder.

The last, wispy exhalation of a young rosebud prematurely choked by a late frost.

A burned CD that you made on a snow day in middle school, probably.

When the groundhog pretends to see his shadow so that he can go back to bed.

A small but tasteful wedding reception for a pair of misfit gloves who once lost love but have found it again.

The rotation of takeout orders you make to avoid leaving your apartment in February.

When you put your ice-cold extremities on your partner’s warm, toasty body and your partner gets upset for some reason.

Chex Mix laced with freshly fallen snow.